The Boiling Provocation
by Adrian Tullberg
Summary: In theory, everyone is useful ...


The Boiling Provocation

By Adrian Tullberg

* * *

Running footsteps disrupted the ambiance of otherwise cool air that habitually resided within the Caltech laboratory.

The first to enter the room in a spectacular windmill of elbows and knees was a young man in an anachronistic ensemble of a crimson frock coat, grey waistcoat, and bow tie.

The second was two young women; one brunette, possessing a worried expression, and a blonde, possessing an energy rifle that shouldn't have been near Earth at this time and place, and a terrified expression.

The last to enter, clearly demonstrating a shocking lack of aerobic fitness were a short man with glasses, a short man with Jewish features, a taller individual, and a man from a clear Indian descent.

As the last four tried desperately to regain normal respiratory functions, the first three barricaded the doors behind them shut.

The brunette girl was the first to speak. "Doctor! This is the part where you tell us the plan that you think is brilliant but what everyone else goes along with because, honestly, they can't think of anything else right now!"

The tallest individual, despite a dangerously elevated heart rate, clearly felt the need to impart important information. "Pay attention Howard, even aliens have a grasp of a superior degree of education."

The man with the bow tie raised his hands, attracting everyone's attention. "Right! You lot! For those of you who were too busy screaming in terror to pay attention-" he looked pointedly at the four latecomers "- this is an alien invasion consisting of an advance scout group creating a wormhole for the main forces in their home galaxy. Meaning it's Thursday."

The short man with the glasses leaned against the wall, polishing his glasses. "Hey, maybe Marvel Comics Studios can sue them for copyright?"

The taller, thinner compatriot rolled his eyes melodramatically, giving a long-suffering sigh. "Obviously you have never read my online essay on the probability of aliens invading us using our media as inspiration."

The brunette nudged the blonde. "Is tall thin and weird here for real?"

"No. He's being uncharacteristically polite."

The Doctor started pacing the floor. "No time for character assessments. They will be entering the wormhole right about now, need to change the co-ordinates on the other side, which is this side, by our perspectives. You!" The Doctor approached the short male with the Beatles-esque haircut. "Howard! You're a..."

"Aerospace Engineer."

"Yes! Perfect! Howard, you are the most important man in this room!"

The tall thin man immediately reacted to this. "Exc-"

The blonde gave him an unmistakable look. "Shut. Up. Sheldon."

"Need to build something. The Thing is not yet invented, hasn't even been thought about, doesn't even have a name. You though! You can build it!" Snatching up a nearby tablet computer, the Doctor waved a green torchlight over the device, creating an intricate 3d wireframe of an advanced piece of technology in only seven gestures. "See here, that's the design, you need to build that out of whatever you can find in this room. Can you do it!"

The tall man was not to be placated "I hardly think-"

Howard picked up the tablet, dawning comprehension overwhelming the fear. "Yes. Yes I can."

"Good man!" The Doctor went over to the man with the glasses. "You'd better help, because I heard you were an experimental physicist, and an experimental physicist will be a big help ... ah ..."

"Leonard Hofstadter."

The Doctor performed a double take. "Whu -? Not _the_ ..."

The tall thin man raised a hand. "Excuse me?"

Ignoring him, the Doctor put a conspiratorial hand around Leonard's shoulder. "Ah, can't give too much away ... wibbly-wobbly spoilers ... but here's a hint; gravimetric particles plus Mars Bar wrapper equals several award ceremonies in Stockholm." Ignoring the stunned expression on Leonard's face, the Doctor strode towards the Indian. "You! Raj! I need a man who can determine co-ordinates from starfields found on pictures Penny here took on her phone! Are you that man!"

Raj took a large swig from a hip flask before replying. "Yes! I'm terrified for my life but I can do this!"

The tall thin man was clearly trying to impart crucial, earth shattering information across. "You have obviously overlooked the most important human in this room-"

"Yes yes yes, you're quite right!" The Doctor went over to the blonde. "Penny, need your phone, need your improbable aim with that energy rifle to stop any more alien soldiers coming in to stop these three's work. You are the most important human in this room because right now, the fate of this planet depends on you!"

Penny tossed her phone to Raj, and checked the sights on her acquired rifle."I've spent all day driving Sheldon around; I was going to shoot someone anyway ..."

"Right. You four, busy. Me and Clara will be outside, preparing to divert the energy used by the alien army to your thing-in-progress."

The tall man made a last ditch, frantic appeal. "What about me?"

The Doctor and Clara had levered open a window preparing to drop down and exit before the Doctor appeared to take his request on board. "Oh yes! You. Vital, critical, important task."

The trauma of being ignored was slowly replaced by what the others would term a characteristic smugness. "Of course."

"Put the kettle on." With that, the Doctor dropped down, Clara following.

"... what ...?"

As the others began their tasks, Leonard noticed the little flecks of spittle beginning to form around the tall man's mouth. "Looks like Sheldon's already started boiling ..."


End file.
